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The Night Before Christmas, Legally Speaking

Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at
a certain improved piece of real
property (hereinafter "the House") a general lack of stirring by all
creatures therein, including, but not
limited to a mouse.

A variety of foot apparel, e.g. stocking, socks, etc., had been
affixed by and around the chimney in said
  House in the hope and/or belief that St. Nick a/k/a/ St. Nicholas
a/k/a/ Santa Claus (hereinafter "Claus") would arrive at sometime

  The minor residents, i.e. the children, of the aforementioned House
were located in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal
hallucinations, i.e. dreams, wherein vision of confectionery treats,
including, but not limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did
dance, cavort and otherwise appear in said dreams.

Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter referred
to as "I"), being the joint-owner in  fee simple of the House with
the parts of the second part (hereinafter "Mamma"), and said Mamma
had  retired for a sustained period of sleep. (At such time, the
parties were clad in various forms of headgear, e.g. kerchief and

Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did occur upon
the unimproved real property
  adjacent and appurtenant to said House, i.e. the lawn, a certain
disruption of unknown nature, cause
  and/or circumstance. The party of the first part did immediately
rush to a window in the House the
  investigate the cause of such disturbance.

        At that time, the party of the first part did observe, with
some degree of wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh
(hereinafter "the Vehicle") being pulled and/or drawn very rapidly
through the air by  approximately eight (8) reindeer. The driver of
the Vehicle appeared to be and in fact was, the previously referenced

   Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction and
guidance to the approximately eight (8)
reindeer and specifically identified the animal co-conspirators by
name: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen,  Comet, Cupid, Donner and
Blitzen (hereinafter "the Deer"). (Upon information and belief, it is
further asserted that an additional co-conspirator named "Rudolph"
may have been involved.)

  The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and the
Deer intentionally and willfully trespass  upon the roofs of several
residences located adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House, and
noted that the  Vehicle was heavily laden with packages, toys and
other items of unknown origin or nature. Suddenly, without prior
invitation or permission, either express or implied, the Vehicle
arrived at the House, and  Claus entered said House via the chimney.

   Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially covered
with residue from the chimney, and he carried a large sack containing
a portion of the aforementioned packages, toys, and other unknown
items.  He was smoking what appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe in
blatant violation of local ordinances and  health regulations.

   Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the stocking of
the minor children, which hung adjacent to the chimney, with toys and
other small gifts. (Said items did not, however, constitute "gifts"
to said  minor pursuant to the applicable provisions of the U.S. Tax

  Upon completion of such task, Claus touched the side of his nose and
flew, rose and/or ascended up the chimney of the House to the roof
where the Vehicle and Deer waited and/or served as "lookouts." Claus
immediately departed for an unknown destination.

However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer and Claus from
said House, the party of the first part did hear Claus state and/or
exclaim: "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!"

   Or words to that effect. .
  Respectfully Submitted,

The Grinch




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