How DOES she do it?????
Date: Thu, 1 Jan 1998 09:41:11 EST
Subject: 1998 Predictions by
Madame Patricia
Happy New Year! Here are a few predictions by our resident
psycho--I mean
psychic-- to let you know what to expect in 1998.
JANUARY 1998
1 First Dog Buddy's name is changed to Buffy when
he bumps Hilary out of
the west wing arm chair for the third time in one day. First
Cat Socks smirks
smugly.
4 Ann S. Heroman loses her glasses--el nino blamed.
9 Wes Heroman's birthday ; he gets bombarded by
birthday cards via e-mail
which overloads the University computer system. Classes suspended
for two
days. Wes becomes BMOC.
15 SJA's birthday; Pope John Paul II forgets to send
a card-- el nino
blamed.
20 Amy Eggertsson's birthday-- Elton John writes touching
song, "Angel in
the Wind" ; brings everyone who hears it to tears.
22 Corey's 8th birthday-- he is ecstatic over presents
which were actually
Christmas gifts that his mother had hidden so well that she couldn't
find them
in time for Christmas. Crisis averted.
FEBRUARY 1998
4 Guy's 40th Birthday-- he plans to
hike to the top of a mountain then
remembers that FL is flat. El nino blamed.
15 Palm Beach County Public School students
go on strike to protest
having to actually attend school for 5 days in a row ; ACLU on hand.
28 Sharks sighted on Lake Worth Beach--wait
a minute, that's just greedy
tobacco fighting litigators--Sorry!
March 1998
9 Jay Reale's birthday--Wife
hides a dog in the attic aided and abetted
by her pet-loving brother Tim. Sister Patty complains " It's
deja vu all over again!"
25 Rosie and Mary Gnandt buy condo in Boca Raton. El nino blamed.
APRIL 1998
1 Rob Heroman's birthday; hits
a grandslam in his baseball game. Elton
John writes a poignant song, " Baseball in the Wind" which has the
crowd in
tears.
15 Tax Day-- IRS hires public relations
maven Claudia "LaLa" Kerr to
clean up their image.Pet chihuahua Gina Kerr passes out at press
conference
when she spots First Dog Buffy in the crowd.
26 Mary and Rosie fight with their
neighbors over a ball that rolled
into their
yard. "Who belongs to this ball?"
MAY 1998
3 Danny and Debbie's birthday--
Postal services mix up birthday cards
and send Danny a card from Nancy Shum with a shrunken head
on it ; Debbie gets one
from Johnny Gerbasi with a joke about appliance workers who
wear their pants
too low. Tom Smith investigates.
18 Kyle H. graduates from High school.
Elton John writes a touching song
called " Diploma in the Wind" which brings commencement exercises
to a tearful
halt.
24 Joseph R.'s 8th birthday.
He celebrates by going to Dairy Queen,
which he pays for with a 15 cent gift certificate he got from Uncle
Tim.
Somethings are more predictable than others.
Well, we're almost 1/2 way through the year so I'll stop here to
give your
eyes a rest. Will send more predictions later.
Madame Patricia
Just when you thought it was safe to go back online: more 1998 predictions!
JUNE1998
1 Patty E's 40th birthday--her
mother sends her a birthday card that
actually arrives on time. El nino blamed.
6 John Makus is caught on videotape
winging Ginger through the air.
Elton John writes an emotional tribute, "Daschound in the Wind",
which tears
all who knew her up.
18 Ann and Don H. celebrate their
22nd Anniversary with a gala affair
held at Rustic restaurant in Rocky River. Brother Tim takes
pictures for the Plain
Dealer Society pages.
JULY 1998
4 Brian Gabel falls on the Rogers'
dog while running with a sparkler and
sets her on fire at the Hawkins Rd July 4th block party. Mrs. Rogers
says
sadly, "We didn't know that when we named her Sparkle how fitting
that name
would turn out to be."
17 Ann H.'s 45th birthday-- Don takes her on a
whirlwind tour of Atlanta
with Ted and Jane Fonda as guides. Ann gets her glasses tangled
in Jane's hair
at a Braves game, and accidently spills beer on Ted while blindly
doing the
Tomahawk chop.
18 Smith family reunion at Beech Mountain. Fred
raises prices at the
Mercantile.. El nino blamed.
23 Sylvia and Golda Swinklestein have a falling
out before their annual
revue at the reunion, over who gets to wear the purple sequinned
feather boa. Golda
relents when Syl promises to let her wear the Barbra Streisand costume
for
Halloween.
30 Tim S.'s birthday--after months of hinting
that he wants the new
Scottie Pippin NIKEs,the joke is on him when Megan wraps up a fake
detached
foot and puts it in a NIKE box. When Tim comes to, he enjoys
a piece of
devil's food cake with a fake fly in it. Family members agree that
the
honeymoon is over for this young, impish couple.
31 Megan S.'s birthday--she refuses to open any
of her gifts until she can
take them to Cleveland Hopkins Airport and have them x-rayed. After
Holding
Tim for questioning for 4 hours, Airport Security finally lets Tim
go home
with the direct order to GET SOME PROFESSIONAL HELP!!!
AUGUST 1998
6 Don H.'s birthday-- Ann hosts a
surprise party for 200 of their
closest friends and relatives but forgets to invite the guests.
They order
takeout and make it a Blockbuster Night.
19 Kyle H. beats Tiger Woods in a Skins
match. Thousands of kids around
the country begin chanting, "I am Kyle Heroman."
31 Caiti S.'s birthday-- poor little thing
is scared to open her present
after her father receives a delivery from Toussaud's Wax Museum.
Tim
complains to Megan, "Why did you have to teach her to read?"
OK, this is it until next year, unless a wave of psychic images wash
over me
before then.--Madame Patricia
SEPTEMBER 1998
7 Jeanna R.'s 13th birthday-- Brother Joseph hides
a dog in the attic
but things go terribly awry when the little rascal chews up
the fiberglas
insulation. After extensive vet bills, the little pup is named Pepcid
AC, but
goes by Pepi, for short.
21 Geritol sponsors Mick Jagger and the Rolling Stones on a
world tour.
Mick breaks his hip when he trips over his walker while strutting
to "What a Drag
it is Getting Old". Tour is postponed for 6 weeks due to grueling
physical therapy
schedule.
29 Mary and Rosie Gnandt, having found it hard
to get along with
neighbors,
move to a condo in Delray Beach.
OCTOBER 1998
2 Tom S.'s birthday-- Receives a mysterious
package from brother Tim;
FBI opens it up to find a UPS uniform inside. "What a sick
joke", gripes Tom.
3 Tom Smith named PostMaster General
after proposing Post Office issue
"Gilligan's Island" commemorative stamp series.
11 Due to the crime rate in Miami, the area
code there is changed to
911.
23 Detroit Tigers win the World Series; el nino blamed.
30 Don Heroman named acting President of
Notre Dame when Father Molloy
is transferred to Haiti after a bad endowment year. Son Wes transfers
to
Stanford.
NOVEMBER 1998
1 Disney lobbies to give life-long financial
support to the Iowa
Septuplets if their parents will allow Disney to name them. The
parents of
Alladin, Belle, Cinderella,
Mowgli, Hercules, Quasimodo and Fantasia happily agree.
7 Rolling Stones continue their "Steel
Prostates" World tour, sponsored
by Geritol and Depends undergarments.
17 Mary and Rosie Gnandt have a run in with
the Condo board when they
adamantly insist that their beloved Sandy, whom they had stuffed
when he
passed on 20 years ago, be allowed to stand outside their front
door.
18 Mary and Rosie Gnandt move to West Palm Beach
to a condo that allows
pets.
22 Bette Smith's birthday--husband Don surprises
her with a multihead VCR
so she can record CNN, McNeil Lehrer hour and MSNBC simultaneously.
"Now
THAT'S Must-See TV!" Bette exults.
23 Ryan Smith's first birthday--celebrates with
cake and ice cream, a soft
blankie and a big smile. Tim takes pictures for his family website.
24 Don Smith's Birthday--meets good friend Jack
Giannoni in a chat room on
the internet and contentedly spends the day playing cribbage. Ah,
life is
good.
DECEMBER 1998
1 Elizabeth Taylor weds Don King
in Las Vegas with an Elvis Look-alike
officiating. The ceremony is delayed when Don can't fit his hair
through the
chapel door.
2 King/Taylor honeymoon postponed when
Don King's hair sets off the
alarm in the airport metal detector 14 times.
3 Elizabeth Taylor files for divorce
from Don King citing
"Irreconcilable Hair Differences".
10 Geoff Smith's birthday-- Tom hosts a hockey
theme party and invites
Mario Lemieux, Eric Lindros and Wayne Gretzky. Melee results when
Lindros pushes Lemieux into the dining
room wall when the cake is served. On the way to the
cage (Geoff's room) Lindros grumbles, "It was just a check, Man!"
12 Wes dates first daughter Chelsea Clinton.
17 Patty E. receives a lotto ticket in leiu of
a christmas tip from a PB
Post customer.
19 Patty E. wins $120 million lottery. Puts
in her 30 day notice at the
Post.
23 Patty finishes Christmas shopping and sends packages
up north via UPS,
paying thousands of dollars extra to get them there by Christmas.
"Next year I
promise I'll be done shopping by Thanksgiving!" Her kids roll their
eyes,
"yeah, right,Mom."
28 Kyle H.'s birthday-- Don plans to surprise him with Titanium
clubs but
Ann gets mixed up and accidently orders Plutonium clubs instead.
After a 10
minute interrogation by the CIA, FBI, and NSF they conclude Ann
made an honest
mistake and help her remember where she parked her car in the parking
lot.
29 Little Lauren's birthday-- Tim and Megan throw a small party
for 200-300
of Lauren's closest friends. While smiling at the video camera,
Lauren is
discovered by Michael Eisner, who happens to be visiting next door
for Chanukkah, and is slated to star in the
next Disney non-animated movie.
31 Patty and Guy fly all the Smith's, Heroman's and Reale's
To South Florida
for a New Years Eve Blowout. Wes brings Chelsea Clinton. Everyone
loves it here
so much they all vow to move down here within six months.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!
1999 Predictions |||
Calendar ||| Family
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This page was added to the web site 8/1/99.