I hate to be the one to
defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is
a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing, social deal, and I have a tough
time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!
For starters, the vast majority
of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. Once
at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket
wrench sets and mood rings left on the shelves. On this count alone, I'm
convinced Santa is a woman.
Surely, if he were a man, everyone
in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical
Chia Pet under the tree-still in the bag.
Another problem for a he-Santa would
be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they
would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh
amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's
rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist.
Even if the male Santa DID have
reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably
get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask
Other reasons why Santa can't possibly
be a man:
* Men can't pack a bag.
* Men would rather be dead than
caught wearing red velvet.
* Men would feel their masculinity
is threatened by being seen with all those elves.
* Men don't answer their mail.
* Men would refuse to allow their
physique to be described, even in jest, as anything remotely resembling
a "bowlful of jelly."
* Men aren't interested in stockings
unless somebody's wearing them.
* Having to do the "Ho-Ho-Ho" thing
would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
* Finally, being responsible for
Christmas would require a commitment.
I can buy the fact that other mythical
characters are men:
* Father Time shows up once a year
unshaven and looking ominous. Definitely a guy.
* Cupid flies around carrying weapons.
* Uncle Sam is a politician who
likes to point fingers.
Any one of these individuals could
pass the testosterone screening test. But not St. Nick.
Deb's note: If you know the author
of this great piece, please let me know.
like to be notified of additional pages as they're added?
You'll be notified
of additional inspirational and humor pages on our site and several
IM stands for
Inspiring Minds! We hope you'll join us for the latest scoops on
If you've had a chance to see enough
of our site so far to share some feedback, please click
here to sign our guestbook. Thanks for taking a moment to let us know
Thanks for visiting... there
more pages to see!
here to reach our site's
index page. (All pages have a link here.)