Page and counter added 7/11/2001

Second piece added 7/26/2001

10. Have your preacher preach from a Dunk Tank!

 

9.  Offer free samples of "Hellfire and Brimstone" BBQ sauce to every new visitor.

 

8.  Add a slide to your baptistery and advertise the church as a water park!

 

7.  Offer a free tank of gas for every five sermons heard!

 

6.  Convert your parking lot into an RV Campground!

 

5.  Convert the sanctuary aisles into putting greens!

 

4.  Replace your church sign with one that reads: "Tourist Information"!

 

3.  Have your elders and deacons dress up in animal costumes (if

necessary)and open a petting zoo on the front lawn!

 

2.  Put up road blocks and tell people there's a manhunt going on!

 

AND the number one way to boost church attendance during the summer is:

1.  Be there yourself!

 

If you know who wrote this, please email me.

More ways to help folks out with this problem are shown below!

In order to take care of all the excuses for not attending church, the following information was placed in the local newspaper:

1.Beds will be placed in fellowship hall for those who say, 'Sunday is my only day to rest.'

 

2. Eye drops will be available for those with tired eyes from watching TV too late on Saturday night.

 

3. Steel helmets will be provided for those who say, 'The roof would cave in if I ever went to church.'

 

4. Blankets will be furnished for those who think that church is too cold and air-conditioning for those who say that it is too hot.

 

5. We will reserve the front pews for those who like the pastor's sermons and the back pews with earplugs for those who dislike his sermons.

 

6. Scorecards will be available for those who list the hypocrites present.

 

7. TV dinners will be available for those who can't go to church and cook the noon meal for the family.

 

8. We will have a selection of trees and shrubs for those who like to see God in nature.

 

Okay, who wrote the second piece?

If you know, please drop me a line so I can credit the author.

 

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